January so far

Hello Everybody!
With the new year upon us, I have already noticed so many ~~new~~ things enter my life. I wanted to make a quick overview of things that have happened to get everyone up to date; So I can start blogging without feeling like there is a giant hole missing in my timeline.

1. Before Christmas I GOT A NEW PUPPY. I've named her 'Luna', which is clearly my favorite name ever. She's a rescue from Peru that my mom brought back from her trip. She's doing really well and getting used to the cold Canadian weather here. She's already like my little shadow, following me everywhere and sleeping with me at night. I deal with anxiety and she is very comforting to me, especially at night.

2. In 2015 (and really in my whole life) I have struggled with keeping my room clean & organized. A few weeks ago my friend Gaby came and helped me get rid of 3 garbage bags of donation goods and 3 bags of garbage from my room. I've been keeping up with tidying up every night before bed and having less stuff really helps keeping everything in their places. Coming into my room at night and waking up in the morning is no longer met with immediate stress and I find I am becoming inspired by my surroundings. For example, I have some framed pictures, art and little figurines that i've made displays of one my counters. Every time I look over I feel relaxed and that my room is finally starting to match my personality.

3. I got a planner. Yes, this may seem like not a big deal.. but It's been instrumental in changing the way I operate. At the end of my day I use to feel like I had not done enough or that I had "wasted" another day. Now I can see what i've accomplished and even feel good when I check things off my list. I also have a terrible memory and at times I've forgotten i've made plans with someone, but now that's no longer an issue. I actually bought my planner as a reward for having completed getting my room in order. When I first got it I was really unsure about how it would help but I have been so thankful for it already and 2016 just started!

4. I started pottery class! This has been something i've wanted to do for a loooong time. I use to take classes when I was a kid and recently I've wanted to branch out and try a bunch of new creative outlets. I really want to stay creative this year and maybe I can find one medium ( or ALL the mediums!) to be passionate about. I've had one class so far and it's going well. I've made some simple things- a bowl and a pinch pot. But it's been fun and I am looking forward to creating all the things.

5. Shadowhunters has started airing! So far the first episode is on Netflix worldwide and ( I think ) The US has gotten the 2nd episode as well! Go watch!

6. I've started studying again. Yeaaaaaah, Not really into discussing this any further than I am in school again. But It's good that my days are now filling up with things that will take me somewhere in my future.

7. I've actually come up with a news years resolution. Usually I don't bother but this year I really wanted to focus on learning on how to accept and live with my anxiety. I've been reading a lot about the disorders and that the real demon is avoidance. That's what takes anxiety and turns it into a huge life shattering illness. Avoidance is something I deal with everyday. To try and not HAVE anxiety at all, I'll avoid anything I think will cause me it. I've learned that by doing that I am not only not living the life I want but causing my anxiety to get bigger and more controlling. The only way to exist with it is to integrate things into my day that I usually avoid. A big thing I want to accomplish with this is being able to travel. Traveling use to be one of m favorite things in the world, but since my anxiety, the idea of being far away from my "safe" home is unbearable. I am working towards going on a road trip this summer. And eventually going overseas which I would really love to be able to do. I really want to be able to look back on my life and know I lived. I don't want my anxiety to control me.

8. In keeping with my resolution to eventually go on this road trip, I also need to save money. I cancelled my Ipsy and Glossybox subscriptions. I had my last box/bag this month. I think i'll miss it but I have a lot of products already and I would rather save the extra money for experiences rather than things. 

There are a bunch of upcoming things- like my 23rd birthday in March (which I haven't decided if I want to celebrate this year.) But that's everything that's happened in 2016 so far for me, so i'll leave it at that.

until next time,
Kenzie.  (No longer Luna... lil weird signing off with my dogs name (!!! I have a dog!!!).

Trust

Trusting people can be very hard. Sometimes it can be rewarding and sometimes it can be devastating. Choose who you trust wisely. Just because you want to trust someone, doesn't necessarily mean that you should. 

I've been doing this opposite action thing so I can get a hang on my anxiety and hopefully take my control back. But something I learned recently is that sometimes our anxiety is there to warn us. That were not ready. Or that there's something wrong with the situation. That Something isn't right. Being able to differentiate between the two is key. And hopefully I'll be able to figure that shit out soon ,for real. 

Trusting people is important. And I want to trust more. But maybe you need to see that someone is trust worthy before hoping, and deciding that they are. It's not always for you to decide. It's for others to show. 

(But hey, you can always trust your cat!!!)